The woman behind the 'Bitch'...

I am tired of writing about the rosy fantasies of life which are seriously a waste of time.So that is why I want to share with you something different, something real, something dark and menacing.I will make a confession that is very well-known, but only recognized under cover.This is to do with the porn industry that allures most of us at some point in our lives ( for those who say it doesn't..please visit a doctor ! )..anywaz, I have often wondered in disconnected thoughts why do people get into the porn industry with all the risks & infamy ?..money can be earned in better ways if we look at life from the financial side of things.But when I have seen people..talented people becoming victims to favouritism and exploitation in any given field..I have found the justification of why people join this industry.I have never turned my back on the acknowlegement that pornstars too are part of our society!

This brings me to a particular case of Michelle Anne Sinclair..aka Belladonna..the famous,millionnaire american adult actress ( I will avoid the term 'pornstar').For those who know her, would agree at once that a woman with a more deviant smile and perverted taste is hard to find.Michelle has been the lead actress in over 250 films till date and won multiple awards at the AVN ceremonies for her 'groundbreaking' performances in front of the camera.She owns a production house that is a powerhouse of money and fame for any aspiring adult actress.She personally hires starlets for new performances in her films ( ohh..did I tell you..she is a director too!).Michelle looks for new talents, hunts for the girls who can undertake maximum risks and have as perverted a mind as possible, because the 'customers' soon get bored with the 'old stuff' ! For all those who keep away from adult matters even at the age of thirty ( pun intended ) I would like to reiterate that this industry demands the best from its employees..yes, more than a private bank and so called MNCs..because it is not only to do with your work-life balance, it is to do with more.......

All of us who have seen Belladonna in front of the camera would agree that she is anti-christian for what she does and to the extent she goes to in order to do it.But the so called religious folks often end up commenting 'gross' or 'sinner..she needs to repent else Jesus can't save her from hell' only after they have thoroughly watched her videos. As you all know that any online video has a thumbnail picture to give a clue to the net surfer of what lies inside, it is surprising to notice that such religious folks fail to see the thumbnail so often and end up hitting the link on the video.Such is the world of men because of whom Belladonna is precisely the star that she is today. But did I say star?..let's study her childhood a little more in detail.

Michelle was born to an Air force officer with the US army and has two elder sisters.Her mom often insists that she was the best mother she could have been.Now interestingly Michelle when she was thirteen wanted to become a gymnast and trained for it very seriously.She was good in atheletics and other sports in school, albeit smarter than her classmates ( she is still way ahead in smartness, the adult industry has not made her a 'piece of meat' only..she is more than that ).At the age of fourteen she got molested by a boy much elder to her, bringing her face to face with the reality she never knew existed.Her mom hushed up on it. Needless to say, her dad being in the Air Force did not find it reasonable for this news to circulate.So Michelle too took down the bitter pill without any protest, just to learn that in a couple of years time, their parents would get divorced & the very paternal status she was trying to protect would only leave her to spend her future in poverty and misery.

Michelle would feel choked on her dreams of being a gymnast and started looking for income opportunities.She even worked for our beloved Subway to meet the costs of her sister's and her tution fees.Her life turned upside down and she was sent to stay with the church for completing her education.Now that is when she met somebody whose name was Bella, and consequently was promised a job with the fashion indutry in Los Angeles.Michelle took that step and at the age of seventeen made her first journey to the heart of a city that changes the fate of people in seconds.This is where things start going radically wrong in her life.

Her initial assignment was a nude photoshoot, denying which she was threatened to be sent away to her home where she was expected to earn money ! so obviously she stayed.This is where she met the most famous directors of the adult industries who show interest in her.The journey starts & she is asked to perform an incredibly risky scene just at the age of eighteen with a bunch of twelve guys who were supposed to make it rough & painful for 'viewing pleasure'! Michelle turns up intimidated at the spot and only discoveres what lies ahead just when the scene is about to begin. She decides to leave and runs out of the set only to be brought back by the associate director who threatens to send her nude photos to her family back home.Michelle stays and does what she is told to do.That scene which lasted forty minutes not only violates her body in every way possible but also her mind.She has repeatedly mentioned that it was that first act which made her lesser and baser than a human being.She spends the next one week in hospital healing from the wounds.

She packs her bags & runs to her home only to find that her mom or sister would not want her to be a part of their lives!She is even denied an entry to her own home.So she gets out, in the same dress and boards a plane for prague where she meets the same director that made her life miserable a week back.For those who know her, if you see the pictures of Bella waiting at the airport terminal, all alone, looking with blank eyes and then falling off to sleep before a flight that gets delayed by fifteen hours, you don't feel turned on...you don't think about sex...all that comes to your mind is...if Bella has eaten something whole day or does she need a warm place to hang around for a while to save herself from the freezing cold.

The next seven years bear testimony to the relentless effort she has put into in making films that have gone from ugly to downright inhuman.She is known to be extremely fit when it comes to 'difficult scenes'..which she gives credit to her childhood wish of learning gymnastic.Michelle steps into the adult industry as a megastar by performing a rather grisly & violent act which leaves her male co-stars baffled and wounded even.This time she does not go to a hospital, instead, gets her hair cut short and gets tattoos done all over her body.Michelle wins the AVN award for 'best actress in a group performance' for the same act which wounded her male co-stars and she is called upon the stage as 'Belladonna'- a poison woman.Rest is history and there would be few adult actresses who can boast of a more successful career than that of Belladonna.

Bella loves cooking, travelling, playing video games and reading love stories.She often breaks down in uncontrollable sobs on interviews when she says she has stopped feeling anything because what hurts most is when the love ends with the end of the 'act' before the camera.She is downright gorgeous, highly adorable and an excellent conversationalist...but every morning when she gets up she searches for that Michelle who got lost somewhere at that Prague airport..was it really there?..or where was it?..She looks at the mirror & imagines the baseball cap that Michelle used to look so good with.She never misses the Olympics and knows the medal tally in gymnastics by heart......when alone she still hears her sports teacher telling another teacher- "Ann would become a star gymnast some day"...she can smell the perfume Michelle Ann Sinclair used to wear...her fans wait eagerly for Belladonna to come out with a new twisted video...but Belladonna, sitting in the garden with her head on her knees, stares at the ground and thinks...what if it was all a bad dream?...what if she stops responding to calls of 'Belladonna', may be they are calling someone else? what if she has a family someday?..what if somebody would ask her out for dinner?..what if she gets up in the morning one day and sees Michelle Ann Sinclair looking at her in the mirror??....

But at nights she can't sleep and moans "Jesus! not in this life...but Michelle needs another shot..may be another time..in another life"!

Isn't this the beginning of 'Machine Supremacy'??

When we think cybersecurity we far too often think about government assets falling prey to shadowy malicious hackers. We forget that the information held within many of these systems is our personal information.

Of course raising barriers around computer systems is certainly a good start. But when these systems are breached, our personal information is left vulnerable. Yet governments and companies are collecting more and more of our information.

The presumption should be that all data collected is vulnerable to abuse or theft. We should therefore collect only what is absolutely required.

The key example of this arose when the White House Cyberspace Policy review mentioned the need for better “authentication services.” It is an embarrassment that, at the moment, our bank accounts and medical records are protected by some easily guessable password system.

But the policy review’s imagination was limited to techniques like encryption and biometrics. Encryption will aid the integrity of computer-to-computer interactions. Biometrics may enhance our confidence in some transactions. But we are introducing vast new problems as we try to solve simpler older ones.

Both of these technologies can be deployed in ways that will destroy privacy rather than save it. First, authentication systems are often deployed so that a single agency or company can keep track of every single time you log on to a variety of services. Just like your telephone company knows all your colleagues and friends, centralized authentication service providers will know everything you do and everyone you deal with. This audit trail of all of your transactions is the first thing a malicious hacker would target if he wished to know everything about everyone.
Second, we are centralizing biometrics into databases. We collect fingerprints for driving licenses, in schools and at the border, and increasingly elsewhere. We put them into databases and make them vulnerable to attack. A stolen fingerprint cannot be replaced, unlike a stolen credit card number.

Innovative thinking is required, and this type of thinking must reduce our risks rather than introduce new ones. The way through this is to see personal privacy itself as a national security issue.

Source: The NY Times.

A midsummer nightmare....!!

This is Tuesday, May 19th

As I woke upto a very humid evening after having come back from office pretty early, it took me some time to settle down and contemplate of all the things I have learnt today. Be it, looking at the everyday workI do in the office or the way I plan out my studies once I am at my place. I was too tired and bored of all the things going around. So I decided to watch a movie by the name of 'Hostel'.

Goshh...a movie cannot be more gross and gory! it seemed like somebody from the time of the Nazis have actually got the scenes on the camera ! It left me with a headache and never-ending thirst for water in my throat! So much blood....and all for what??..well I don't know still..some lunatics cutting up innocent victims to satisfy their devilish needs...sexual as well as experimental!! ( well I don't know what else )...it makes you sick at your guts!

I have had dinner an hour before I started watching the movie..and I was almost about to throw up! I am not at all weak-hearted and horror movies or violent war scenes do not bother me as such..but this one was something else.A different league altogether. The existence of such kind of movies is evidence of the fact that there are takers for this stuff as well and that is what concerns me..!!

Director Eli Roth needs to understand that shedding gallons of blood makes the audience sick and encourages perverted sex. It gives you ideas...for young minds it can be disastrous! well after having seen this piece of bloodbath I had to take a clean and long bath to make sure that I wasn't having the bloody images hovering in my mind still..! I needed to make myself a strong cup of tea and decided to write this blog. But before I lash out at Eli Roth, I did some google search and found out that people who practise such customs do exist and such underground clubs where people pay to kill people are also present. So I would not want to say that Eli Roth's depiction of murder in Hostel is totally imaginary. It has a strong base but my only question is, why show it?
Why make it a franchise?..I mean this is not even porn! common guys, who would wanna kill people in the name of sex other than a luny?....

The way we are going back to medieval times is stupefying and it is so shocking to see that internet has actually made the shadows darker than what they used to be 500 years back !sometimes I think are we going too fast?....are we actually trying to catch up with technology and failing more often?....are we creating information just because we have a medium to communicate it?...and are we becoming less responsible about the aftermaths of our actions?...!!

Well, only time can tell but when I think about it, I would say the soceity as a whole is becoming a more perilious place to live in. Nuclear families with children having no source of entertainment other than video games ( which are mostly about killing monsters ) are nudging at the darker side them.Soon they would come to know about stuff like Hostel and a trust me, out of 100 children of 13-16 age group, 95 would turn it off being unable to bear anymore...but there would be 5 of them always who would not...and that's where directors like Eli Roth would get their ideas from....yes, alarmingly, from real life.....!!!

The factors of confinement

This is Sunday, May 17th

I have been successful in my attempts of extreme confinement that I had planned for days now. It included the 24 hour non-stop stay in a room without speech, without fresh air and any human communication. This is a way to discipline the mind and body and to get a feel what it is to be like "YOURSELF". This form of detachment is what is extremely necessary for the realization of a long -term goal.

It has to start with short-term milder goals..which ultimately cumulates to the long-term picture. It has been mentioned in Jewish Caballah that meditation is only successful when we can actually detach the mind and body from any external influences. It should not be a fashion statement ( like what it has become today ). Meditation and yoga has become a money-making rackett and a global multi-million dollar business.It is hard to believe that humans hav not let this pure form of emancipation be left alone in this world of marketing and greed.

Confinement purifies the body and mind quite effectively or if I may say calms down. My attempts included meditating for an hour listening to natural rain drops and rumbling of clouds in my earphones. To get an actual feel of the whole action, I had switched off the lights and fan. It did cause me a lot of perspiration and irritation to beging with. But with time passing on and going deep into mediataton I realized that these external factors slowly stops playing roles in how one feels. What remained behind was the sound of raindrops and that of trickling water down some rocks..It brought along a natural feeling of feeling cool and relaxed. It may sound astonishing and even fishy to somebody who has not practised it yet..but IT DOES HAPPEN THAT WAY..!

The lesson that I have learnt is that feeling of hot or cold, lonely or bothered starts with the presence of an environment. The brain reacts to whatever lies around you and makes you feel a part of the system. Imagine at this moment if you are on the top of a hill looking down on a snowy valley, would you feel hot ??...but yes, as you would say, it is not so easy to imagine something like that so easily. For this, The creator has given us the wonderful gift of dreaming!!
Now in dreams you would obviously see yourself wherever the dream takes you. You have no choice left there.

Here lies the catch! Meditation is the only way by which you can have 100% self- control consciously. The funny side is you can almost decide what you waant to feel or what you want to be indifferent to. This can be made so strong that physical responses to your immediate environment cease to exist. It goes a long way in trying to chase happiness. As Thomas Jefferson has rightly said, you cannot catch upto happiness, you can only chase it! which is another way of saying that the chase only ends when you let the target chase you back. Happiness is something you cannot look out for...you got to wait for it to find you, and I believe that meditation does that work of waiting a lot more pleasant....

So much for today....Hail and fair well...:)

The end of "USUAL"

Hi Everybody,
Since this is my first day at blogging and I am not too sure if bloggiing as a way to express your views are extremely effective, I would restrict myself to describing a few phenomenon which are going around at large and seem to be an indicator towards a future that is 'CHAOTICALLY PLANNED'. I say so because events in the recent past starting with the demolition of the World Trade Centre to the recent Global Economic Recession, all point towards a future that we never knew was coming.....a future that is bleak and sometimes undoubtedly dangerous.

At one instance I notice, there is too much in the hands of our civilization that we are unable to handle the true pressure of it.Starting from automated devices and liberal agendas, everything is slowly proving to be a bane in the long run. why??
Take the case of a simple blackberry handheld device. It surely is an amazing thing when it comes to opening attachments and browsing through your emails..but consider this, the ones who use it ( at least most of those I came across ) have developed a symbiotic relationship with it.That is to say, if you keep that black piece of technology away from then for even a day they would be half-dead out of concern of what was sent to their inbox even if they were not expecting anything actually.So what we notice through this is, the BlackBerry handheld device was meant for usage by humans...but wht we notice today is this device has become a part of the respiratory system of executives in corporates...This is not what it was meant to be.

There are other protocols which deserves special attentions of concern. Disorderly algorithm in computer programming has shown that when continued in a recurring fashion, shows an usual behaviour in its end result. For example, a simple algorith written to drive a toy car by remote shows when continued to be wrtten infinitely that it can actually form isolated protocols that reflect a behaviour which is pretty discreet in itself. When this program reached a million lines or ten million lines..it shows that the next 100 lines would form a protocol in itself and if only these 100 lines were put to use in a computer separately, they would end up calculating Fermat's last theorem ( i,.e only triplets with powers of 2 can exist i the form of a^n +b^n = c^n. Now nobody knew that the program in itself has come up with a method to perform geometry or maths just by picking up a couple of 100 lines from an infinitely long program. It is similar to situation like the number Pi.(22/7). The digits after decimal do not repeat themselves if we keep on calculating the fraction...!!

These events keep happening at the remote corners of the world...slowly but steadily gaining pace and synchronization. Of course, they are human made...of course we are the ones who had set them into motion in the first place but what's astonishing is the sheer A.I. ( Artificial Intelligence )factor attached to them when left unmonitored and when we so gladly take our eyes off them declaring ," It is automated"..!

I am not against the machines and the usefullnes we have come to know about them..I am just pointing out a 'just in case' scenario when we would still calculate 393633353*3483933939 manually and a computer in a fraction of a second...only difference is it could be a calculation that sets off a nuclear weapon...and then again it could be 'automated'..!!